Changing The Guard: Caretaking Your Parents

What to Do?

Rose came over tonight for a second visit this week.  She took Dad out to get groceries and presumably dinner.  They got back awfully early, without dinner.  When I asked Rose she commented, “He fell but he doesn’t want you to know.”  Why on earth not, I feel so bad.

Rose said that he thinks ‘we’ don’t want him going out.  That wasn’t me, it was the doctor.  When he comes in, I drop hints all over the place that I really like to see him go out.  Go out more….

Its so sad that he thinks I want to keep him in.  What would you do?  How would you get the message across.

August 15, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

Annie Gottlieb and Jacques: When Its Your Hubby

annie gottliebAnnie Gottlieb moved from her home in Manhattan, New York to care for her husband, Jacque, in Chapel Hill, Northaniie gotlieb 2Carolina.  Jacques is a bear of a man who once escaped a Soviet gulag.  Annie has written or collaborated on many books, and Jacque has co- written one about his amazing story, DONBAS: A True Story of an Escape Across Russia on Amazon.  See excerpts

I first saw Annie’s name when I bought a self help book, decades ago, that she had co-authored.  For some reason she became one of my heros. Then I had put an ad in Craigslist to find someone to help me with a project and couldn’t believe when her name came up.  She was living in Chapel Hill, NC now and willing to work on my project.  I couldn’t believe it.

It turned out that she was and is there because her husband was in advanced stages of a degenerative neurological disease.  He was a boxer and had a ready made support group in North Carolina.  Fortunately Annie, a freelance writer, could work any where.

Annie is a tiny woman, and Jacque is a big man, still even with the illness.  She is responsible for all his bodily functions as well as getting him up out of bed whenever she can.  Despite the community she is left with the vast majority of the work.

I was fortunate one day when I was there that he was at his most lucid.  We had a conversation while sitting at the table.  I knew he was a shadow of his former self, as he had trouble forming words, certainly sentences, but his eyes twinkled and he flattered me by saying I was interesting.  I could certainly understand why Annie loved him so much to spend these, her early golden years, with such a constant burden.

I think of Annie when I get down in the dumps.  She doesn’t have the nurses or home visiting doctors, she moved to a community without family or friends.  She is an amazing woman caretaking an amazing man.  Keep her in your prayers and buy some of their books.

BTW, Annie had a blog,  which she hasn’t been able to keep up Ambivablog.  It has some great reading.  She moderates a group blog, Ambiance Check here for some of Annie’s books on Amazon

Vanya_And_Annie_1

July 8, 2009 Posted by | Heroines and Inspirations | , , , , | Leave a comment